I’m a little tea pot

I. Today I met with an academic adviser and talked about things. I now have a plan to graduating with a major in cognitive science, a minor in religious studies, and all of my requirements for pre-med met. It is possible! Yay life.

II. “Toss me a cigarette; I think there’s one in my raincoat” ~from “America,” Simon and Garfunkel

There’s something inside of me itching, dying to get out. I can’t find expression–to create art, you must have the ability to get what’s inside out. It’s cruel. I really want a fucking cigarette, and I’d like the week to end so I can get a bit drunk and forget about all the things that don’t make sense.

Today is glorious. It’s cold and the sky is large and bright. It’s positively luminous. It inflates my soul. I looked out the window a moment ago and could see the first of raindrops falling to the ground.

I. It’s a rainy day, and I am superhuman! My arm is no longer an ordinary arm; it is an umbrella-holder! My feet are no longer ordinary feet; they are puddle-stompers! I walk through the wind and the rain, and–FFFT!–my umbrella blows out! Stinging pebbles of water pelt me and I cower momentarily. Then I remember that I am superhuman today! I fold up my umbrella and grin and STOMP into another puddle.

II. Strawberry Creek roars, ecstatic in its newfound power!–but it sounds more like a song to me. The little leaves of grass glisten with the dew that the sun snatches from them each morning, and more. But pay close attention; you could miss something. There are people of the street wet to the bone. There are tiny earthworms, unnoticed and uncared for, wriggling in cold and moisture, and there are those who have ceased wriggling. Today, there was also a small pink fetal animal of some kind, motionless in a puddle on the sidewalk. How did it get there? The image of the helpless innocent dead creature resurfaced in my mind throughout the day along with waves of nausea.

III. On the way home from school, I stopped at Amoeba. I bought two CDs. One I have been jonesing for for a while now:

For the Lord God Omnipotent raineth! : D
Handel me, yeah!! :-0

The other was more of an impulse buy, the kind that follows after you stumble across something so great that you squeal and don’t think of putting it back down (that’s what I did, at least):

I’m not sure buying things should make me happy, but it did today.

Von: Marissa Jackson
An: Robert Jackson
Betreff: Re: hello
Datum: Fri, 24 Feb 2006 16:50:24 -0800

Today mom was in this store and she was like,

Oh, I guess they are.

Something strange came from Sebastopol.

Today while walking on campus, a man handed me a pamphlet that read, “Why Vegan? Boycott Cruelty!” I looked through it and realized that ideas and values that I had already held logically pointed me toward veganism. I think what has been keeping me from going the extra step is a lack of initiative caused by the dangerous state of complacence and perhaps a little fear of the unknown. From this day forward, however–Let it be known!–I will adhere to a vegan diet.

When I became a pescatarian about 9 months ago, it was primarily because eating meat physically made me feel less healthy; the best way to describe it is “sluggish.” I continued to eat fish because I enjoyed eating it, and because eating it didn’t make me feel as unhealthy. After not eating meat anymore, though, I realized that meat was by no means a staple of my diet. Not only did I feel better, but I no longer craved it. It was just so habit-driven and so unnecessary, which made killing animals to eat them seem more cruel than I had ever viewed it. I never was an animal rights activist, but I could no longer do anything but oppose the unnecessary suffering, the unnecessary consumption of resources, the unnecessary death that eating meat now represented.

A couple of months ago I visited the Monterey Bay Aquarium. I’ve been to aquariums before, but for some reason this visit really struck me. As I watched the giant tuna hurtling endlessly through their vast tank, their power and beauty was communicated in a way that touched me deeply. I was in awe of the ocean’s life, and I knew then that even though I had developed a taste for eating fish, that I would no longer eat them. I had no desire to take life away from creatures who appeared so jubilant in it–or, if nothing else, so obviously living. Within a couple of weeks after that visit, I had given up eating fish for good.

I have no vendetta. I have no delusions of grandeur (No, I’m not trying to save the world*). My veganism represents a tangible implementation of the respect I have for life and the desire I have to not contribute to suffering and death, an attempt to practice what I preach, so to speak. This is the only way I can communicate the sentiment behind this change: I do not want to selfishly consume to serve my own impulsive desires; I regret the suffering and death in the world, and I want to contribute to it as little as possible. Wish me luck**.

___________________________

* I’m not trying to save the world, but it is my deepest hope that somehow implementing this lifestyle will have positive effects on the world. I have to believe that if I work to do my part to decrease suffering and waste, that the world will benefit in some small way. Perhaps I am naive, but I surely have been worse things.

** Those who know me know that I love cheese, and chocolate, and so many other animal by-products. Don’t get me wrong, however, I am all the more resolute for it. I look forward to the changes I will go through and the new perspectives I will reach.

—– Original Message —–
From: Francis Carr
To: vvnbuzzjmxp@gannonphoto.com
Sent: Saturday, February 18, 2006 8:41 PM
Subject: February 21, 2006 Today’s Cribsheet

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What should I think when I’ve been trying to do my math homework all day and haven’t finished, and I reach a point at which all I want to do is lie in my bed and eat CHOCOLATE? And what should I think when, instead of resisting this urge, I put on my imitation Uggs and walk down to the corner market and spend two dollars on a bar of chocolate that’s so old–and stale–that the wrapper is covered in dust (as well as two bags of potato chips to reach the $5 debit/credit card minimum)? Should I feel lazy and gluttonous? NO, I should not. Or… no, I do not.  Sometimes moments of indulgence make the hours of homework worth it–especially when they involve a nice chat with the sweet Nepali checker man in the market and a leisurely walk through residential Berkeley on the first day in recent memory to NOT be bitterly cold.  Sigh.  Here’s to salt and chocolate!

Today it started to rain and I hadn’t brought my umbrella, and I had to walk home in the rain. Things got wet.

Lauren Kinney

The morning after.