Together As One (TAO) is a New Year’s festival held at the Los Angeles Sports Arena. Tens of thousands of teenagers show up every year and shamelessly urinate and defecate on the lavatory floors. Several bathroom stalls contained what can only be described as “an abortion.” Every member of my party contracted a new form of hepatitis after using these bathrooms. This is no joke. The TAO bathrooms rivaled those of Chattuchak market in Bangkok, which I found so rich and diverse in their filth and the microscopic lifeforms that spring from it that I felt compelled to write an entire dissertation on their pathologies. And I swear, this document would have materialized if my fingers were not suddenly attacked by an aggressive black weeping rot that rendered them all but useless.

I have included images. Please excuse the poor quality. During photography a fungus began to fruit on our camera lens and rained spores on everything in its immediate vicinity. As a result, we all experienced several flushes of fungal fruit that night and rather ugly cases of thrush a week later.

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In the main arena, Swedish Egil was rocking out. Green lasers were shooting into bands of fog and we walked into the lower pit where girls and boys were locked up in trains on the floor just like garden mollusks having intercourse. We walked over these trains like so much vegetation and began to dance with other youths in a great crowd which emitted the scent of patchouli mingled with male and female genital musk. Many members of the party noted that this scent seemed to be weaving an orderly chain around all of us, and we slowly sensed it growing in its complexity until it completely crystalized and when it crystalized our pricks would flop out and ejaculate and our cunts would swell and go into estrus and drip mucuous which we would use for locomotion.